Ten Foot Cock and a Few Hundred Virgins (Live) - Tim Minchin.mp3

[00:03.95]This is a song about a**l *** and God
[00:07.55]
[00:18.30]It’s called “Ten-Foot C**k, and a Few Hundred Virgins”
[00:20.41]
[00:23.32]So you’re gonna live in paradise
[00:30.37]With a ten-foot c**k and a few hundred virgins
[00:35.77]So you’re gonna live in paradise
[00:39.60]With a ten-foot c**k and a few hundred virgins
[00:41.78]So you gonna sacrifice your life
[00:44.53]For a ride on UFO
[00:46.98]And when the Lord comes down in his shimmering chariot of salvation
[00:52.30]You’re gonna be the first to know
[00:55.32]
[00:57.77]And so if
[00:59.96]God was there from the very beginning
[01:01.99]he invented men and women
[01:03.49]then he also invented w**king
[01:05.12]then he said w**king was sinning
[01:06.58]so if I’m feeling randy
[01:08.18]I’m not allowed to hand-shandy
[01:09.86]But having *** with my family
[01:11.43]That is just ******* great
[01:14.27]It’s all there in Ezekiel 8
[01:17.18]Just before he opens up his big pearly gate
[01:19.60]And says that it’s a sin
[01:21.50]To take it up the date
[01:22.91]Even if it’s great
[01:24.51]Even with your cowboy mate
[01:27.30]
[01:31.21]So you’re gonna live in paradise
[01:33.71]With a ten-foot c**k and a few hundred virgins
[01:36.30]So you gonna sacrifice your life
[01:39.11]For a shot at the greener grass
[01:41.60]And when the Lord comes down
[01:43.20]With his shiny rod of judgement
[01:46.20]He’s gonna kick my heathen ares
[01:49.60]
[01:51.87]So if you
[01:53.93]Cover the bodies if your women
[01:55.72]Everybody is grinning
[01:57.61]Because black is so slimming
[01:59.10]Though it’s not great for swimming
[02:00.72]But it gives you an erection
[02:02.38]With the increased sexual tension
[02:03.87]What with the U.V. protection
[02:05.38]That is second to none
[02:08.11]You’ll find it all in the Q***n
[02:11.20]Just next to the bit that justifies guns
[02:13.61]And says that it’s a sin
[02:14.85]To take it up the bum
[02:16.60]Even if it’s fun
[02:18.16]Even with the permission from your mum
[02:21.10]
[02:25.14]So you’re gonna live in paradise
[02:27.92]With a ten-foot c**k and a few hundred virgins
[02:29.79]So you gonna sacrifice your life
[02:32.39]For a shot at eternity
[02:34.56]And when the Lord comes down
[02:36.17]And I haven’t done my penance
[02:39.50]He’s gonna disembowel me
[02:42.21]
[02:44.71]You say that
[02:46.61]If I
[02:52.30]Stumbled on a watch I’d assume it had a watchmaker
[02:54.59]That a muffin presupposes a baker
[02:56.21]So you must agree sooner or later
[02:58.10]That this proves there’s a creator
[02:59.58]So if I put my foot in a stinker
[03:01.50]You’d assume the existence of a sphincter
[03:03.31]Thus you don’t need to be a great thinker
[03:05.19]To conclude that God’s a bum
[03:07.72]which negates the words of Genesis 1
[03:10.96]which made him out to be so much fun
[03:13.42]until Adam succumbed to temptation
[03:16.80]and then his only son
[03:18.44]got nailed to a gum
[03:20.10]Or the Middle-Eastern equivalent
[03:21.75]which suggests that God’s omniscience
[03:23.34]is nullified by his ambivalence
[03:24.89]unless it turns out that he’s impotent
[03:26.54]and if God can’t get boner
[03:28.14]I guess that explains the plethora
[03:29.79]Of huge erections in his honour
[03:31.53]Because we all know a steeple’s just a subconscious compensatory manifestation of a huge stiff *****
[03:35.72]and still he tells us that it’s heinous
[03:37.34]to stick a ***** up your anus
[03:39.10]Even if you’re famous
[03:40.44]Even if you’re good at tennis
[03:42.30]
[03:46.90]So you’re gonna live in paradise
[03:49.17]With a ten-foot c**k and a few hundred virgins
[03:50.69]So you gonna sacrifice your life
[03:52.88]For a ride on UFO
[03:55.48]And when the Lord comes down
[03:57.23]With his big, stiff, slippery rod of judgement
[04:02.94]I’m gonna be the first to go
[04:05.54]He’s gonna send me down below
[04:08.37]He’s gonna whip me like he's a hoe
[04:11.71]you really think so?
[04:13.55]I’m gonna be the first to go