RANT - Bo Burnham.mp3

[00:00.000] I went to a Catholic school for four years, and I also owned a GarageBand, uh, for 20 minutes, and this is the product of that. Hit it
[00:07.425]
[00:28.188] All the seats at the Sunday masses
[00:29.930] Filled with the masses' massive asses
[00:32.080] Classes pass as fast as molasses
[00:34.226] Ceremonial reading glasses
[00:36.288] Read a little bit of Leviticus
[00:38.191] All the kids are a little too little for this
[00:40.454] All the parents nod in agreement
[00:42.118] "I think I can vaguely see what He meant."
[00:44.348] It's too early in the morning, glory
[00:45.952] To read another allegory story
[00:47.948] The father reads a little bit farther
[00:50.050] Assuring the assured that they need not bother
[00:52.022] "When God, in verse 45
[00:54.056] Said that slaves are okay to buy
[00:55.927] He meant that people all from the start
[00:58.116] Each have 'slaves' within their hearts:
[01:00.114] Things that we have sold or bought
[01:02.232] That are forced to pick our moral cotton
[01:04.052] God calls us to set these free
[01:06.131] Free our hearts from slavery
[01:08.497] And then as God goes on to explain
[01:10.229] The logistics of buying and selling slaves
[01:13.830] Uh...he...the bible's sorta like...uhhh...there's like...typos"
[01:20.300] In the back, I sit and I nod
[01:22.222] To the beats that are bumping from my iPod
[01:24.349] My God, they're starting to pray
[01:26.106] And over the music I can hear them say
[01:28.234] "Dear God, dear Lord, dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword
[01:32.199] Dear good, all-seeing being
[01:33.999] 'My way or the highway' Yahweh
[01:36.233] The blue-balled anti-masturbator
[01:38.154] The great all-loving f****t-hater
[01:39.953] I'd like to thank your holy might
[01:41.989] For making me both rich and white
[01:44.071] And though this is your day of rest
[01:46.088] I come to you with one request:
[01:47.952] There's so much pain beyond this steeple
[01:50.102] Wars and drugs and homeless people
[01:52.099] Sadness where there should be joy
[01:54.172] Hate and rape and Soulja Boy
[01:56.112] A world in darkness needs your light
[01:57.986] So I'm sure your schedule's pretty tight
[01:59.819] But my dog just had surgery
[02:01.224] If you could fix that first?
[02:03.900] JESUS!"
[02:07.381] Debra Messing's finger's in a holy place
[02:10.001] Hail Mary full of Grace
[02:15.986] Obama could you pass some hope to the Pope
[02:18.444] I know a couple dudes who wanna elope
[02:20.026] See the church said nope so the bros can't cope
[02:21.979] The bros can grope but the bros can't cope
[02:24.137] They've been in love and they've been addicted
[02:26.221] Who said they shouldn't? Benedict did
[02:28.219] Cause in the holy land of the Lord
[02:30.260] He's the holy landlord
[02:31.213]And bitches are evicted
[02:32.570] Cause you can be a Benedict
[02:34.047] If you've been a **** under Benedict
[02:35.952] But you can't have Benedicts
[02:37.904] Because there's only one pope
[02:39.080]With only one dick
[02:40.070]What? yeah, a **** on a pope is
[02:42.171] Just like a soap on a rope
[02:43.971] Cause it's pointless, unless in prison
[02:46.177] Throw up your bibles, Christ has risen
[02:48.362] Hallelujah, now it's raining men
[02:49.954] Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10
[02:51.962] Winos at the Eucharist station, trans-gendered-substantiation
[02:56.362] Jesus wasn't the Messiah
[02:57.800] Get back I'm a heretic and I'm on fire
[02:59.890] It was Oedipus those holy nights
[03:01.948]The holy ****ing Christ
[03:03.973] I'm a blasphemah
[03:05.141] Post-Katrina
[03:06.046] Cruising the marina
[03:07.247] On a crusade to cruise aids
[03:09.067] And blast FEMA
[03:10.367]You're too late, we're ****ed we don't need ya
[03:12.479] Amen, in the name of the father, son and holy ghost
[03:16.208] Head, shoulders, knees and toes
[03:18.133] Turn up your nose, strike that pose
[03:20.101] HEY MACARENA!
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